.........Share the laugh ;-D......... by MAHESH_K 2012/03/04 17:08
.hi. Hi guys m back again ...... Posting some humourous n funny jokes -lol- stay tuned to get latest up dates......enjoy......
One day, I ask my grlfrnd: tell me the name who made u Pregnant..
She replied: if u eat 12 Bananas can u tell me which one maade u fat..!!!!! .lol.
.hi. Hi guys m back again ...... Posting some humourous n funny jokes -lol- stay tuned to get latest up dates......enjoy......
One day, I ask my grlfrnd: tell me the name who made u Pregnant..
She replied: if u eat 12 Bananas can u tell me which one maade u fat..!!!!! .lol.
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 00:28
Once there were three turtles. One day they
decided to go on a picnic. When they got there,
they realized they had forgotten the soda. The
youngest turtle said he would go home and get it
if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got
back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's
eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle
popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you
do, I won't go!".......
......hehe.
Once there were three turtles. One day they
decided to go on a picnic. When they got there,
they realized they had forgotten the soda. The
youngest turtle said he would go home and get it
if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got
back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's
eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle
popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you
do, I won't go!".......
......hehe.
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 00:30
Father: What did you do today to help your
mother?
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.........
Father: What did you do today to help your
mother?
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.........
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 00:41
Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful? God said to man --- So that you will love them. Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb? God said to man --- So that they will love you.
Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful? God said to man --- So that you will love them. Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb? God said to man --- So that they will love you.
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 00:43
Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.
What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..hehe.
Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.
What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..hehe.
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 00:45
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and
some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24
hours to live." The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news,
then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call
you yesterday.".......
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and
some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24
hours to live." The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news,
then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call
you yesterday.".......
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 00:47
Two factory workers are talking. The woman
says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then
hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so
much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to
take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work
in the dark.".......
Two factory workers are talking. The woman
says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then
hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so
much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to
take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work
in the dark.".......
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 13:34
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped,and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"..........-hahaha- .hehe.
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped,and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"..........-hahaha- .hehe.
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 06:33
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's
milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's........
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's
milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's........
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 13:44
A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing thecoin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."........
A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing thecoin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."........
MAHESH_K 2012/10/10 13:52
BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "Youknow, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone givesme a different answer."......
BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "Youknow, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone givesme a different answer."......
MAHESH_K 2012/10/11 17:06
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict,look at his clothes! He probably spentlots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, andasked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!".....
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict,look at his clothes! He probably spentlots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, andasked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!".....
MAHESH_K 2012/10/11 19:04
A young couple were married and then embarked on their honeymoon. When they returned, the bride ran to the phone and called her mother, who asked, "How was your honeymoon, dear?" "Oh, mama!" she replied, "The honeymoon was so wonderful and romantic..." But then, suddenly she burst out crying and said "but, mama, as soon aswe returned home, he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!""Darling, darling," her mother said, "calm down and tell me, what words could be so awful?"And, the daughter cried "pleasedon't make me tell you, mama! I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! Just come and get me, please!" "Oh, darling, you must tell me what has you so upset... tell me these horrible4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!" .........-hahaha-
A young couple were married and then embarked on their honeymoon. When they returned, the bride ran to the phone and called her mother, who asked, "How was your honeymoon, dear?" "Oh, mama!" she replied, "The honeymoon was so wonderful and romantic..." But then, suddenly she burst out crying and said "but, mama, as soon aswe returned home, he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!""Darling, darling," her mother said, "calm down and tell me, what words could be so awful?"And, the daughter cried "pleasedon't make me tell you, mama! I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! Just come and get me, please!" "Oh, darling, you must tell me what has you so upset... tell me these horrible4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!" .........-hahaha-
MAHESH_K 2012/10/11 19:07
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a localpolice officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.
The officer also happened to bea blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said,"You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said,
"You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."..........hahahaha
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a localpolice officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.
The officer also happened to bea blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said,"You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said,
"You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."..........hahahaha
MAHESH_K 2012/10/11 19:17
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Louisiana Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them andsaid, "So ya'll want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture and said:"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."
Then he stuck the photo in the fact of the first blonde and withdrew it after a couple of seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said,"Yes, I did. He only has one eye."
The detective shook his head disgustingly and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture. It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde and asked,"What about you? Did you notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,"Didn't you just hear what I told the first lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused, too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a big waste of my time, but..." He flashed the photo in this blonde's face for abrief moment and withdrew it, saying, "All right. Did you notice anything unusual or distinguishing about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzledexpression and said, "Why, you're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that simply by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes dramatically and replied, "Well, with only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses.".......hehe.
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Louisiana Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them andsaid, "So ya'll want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture and said:"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."
Then he stuck the photo in the fact of the first blonde and withdrew it after a couple of seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said,"Yes, I did. He only has one eye."
The detective shook his head disgustingly and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture. It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde and asked,"What about you? Did you notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,"Didn't you just hear what I told the first lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused, too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a big waste of my time, but..." He flashed the photo in this blonde's face for abrief moment and withdrew it, saying, "All right. Did you notice anything unusual or distinguishing about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzledexpression and said, "Why, you're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that simply by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes dramatically and replied, "Well, with only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses.".......hehe.
MAHESH_K 2012/10/11 19:22
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner.
After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her," Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?
"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thoughtyou were supposed to." She replied.
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."
A few weeks later while visitingher grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan." ........
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner.
After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her," Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?
"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thoughtyou were supposed to." She replied.
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."
A few weeks later while visitingher grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan." ........
MAHESH_K 2012/10/11 19:34
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 fewer letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" willbe replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20%shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horiblemes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary"o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a relisensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!.....-hahaha-
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 fewer letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" willbe replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20%shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horiblemes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary"o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a relisensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!.....-hahaha-
MAHESH_K 2012/10/27 19:15
"Am I the first man you have ever loved?"he said."Of course,"she answered"Why do men always ask the same question?".......-hahaha-
"Am I the first man you have ever loved?"he said."Of course,"she answered"Why do men always ask the same question?".......-hahaha-
MAHESH_K 2012/10/27 19:17
When I was young I didn't like goingto weddings.
My grandmother would tell me,"You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals..........
When I was young I didn't like goingto weddings.
My grandmother would tell me,"You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals..........
MAHESH_K 2012/10/27 19:21
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use atrap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece ofbread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?......
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use atrap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece ofbread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?......
#45 Fun & Comedy
Comedy, jokes, quizes, word games, competitions, chat topics and more can be found here.
Comedy, jokes, quizes, word games, competitions, chat topics and more can be found here.