How to impress women: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine canI use?" The trainer replied; Use the ATM outside the gym!!!"

Smart wife: A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

Miracle doc: A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the towns grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One monthlater, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.

911: Holidays around the precinct are always lively, especially in the 911 areas. One particular night, a drunk calls in, and the following communication began: "911, what is your emergency?" "Osifer, I've been robbed!" "Can you be more specific sir?" "Osifer, someone stole my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal." "Could you please repeat that sir?" By now there's a crowd gathering around the dispatcher's chair. "Yes, shur. Someone stole my gas pedal, my brake pedal and my steering wheel." "Sir, what is your location?" "I'm in my car." "Sir, could you explain to me exactly where your car is located?" "Yes, shur. I'm on Baker Street. Uh, 488 Baker!" "Alright, sir, we'll send officers out to investigate it. Try to stay calm." The phone call ends at this point but not five minutes later another call comes in. "911, what is your emergency?" "Osifer?" "Yes, what is your emergency please?" "Osifer, this is me again. I just found my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal." "Okay, sir. Are you still needing assistance?" "No, shur, I was just in the back seat."

Seal hunt: A little boy returned from the grocery store with his mom. While his mom put away the groceries, the little boy opened his box of animal crackers and spread them all over the kitchen table. "What are you doing?" asked his mom. "The box says you shouldn't eat them if the seal is broken," said the little boy. "I'm lookingfor the seal."

Godly joke: God promised man that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then........ He made the earth round....and laughed...and laughed...and laughed!

Really Funny!!

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want towake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up thestairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that hedidn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, henoticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off fora couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

wah wah kya sher mara ganje ki tat pe ber kyo maara?

hello

Lol topic but gud info nx

Nice info

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