My Stupid Ex

18 replies

SpArKo

Jul 10, 2011 20:01

You want to know how stupid my ex really is? Note, most of these are equal opportunity insults.

1. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. 2. She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. 3. She misspells I.Q. 4. She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center and Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. 5. Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." 6. She tripped over a cordless phone. 7. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate." 8. At the bottom of the job application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius." 9. She studied for a blood test. 10. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

SpArKo

Jul 10, 2011 20:09

11. She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. 12. If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. 13. She thought she could only use her AM radio in the morning. 14. She has a shirt that says "TGIF." She thought stood for "This Goes In Front 15. To call her childish is an insult to children everywhere. 16. She has reach rock bottom and started to dig. 17. Her gene pool needs chlorination. 18. She's not so much a has-been as a definitely-won't-be. 19. She only opens her mouth to change feet. 20. She would be out of her depth in a parking lot puddle.

SpArKo

Jul 10, 2011 20:09

21. She has delusions of adequacy. 22. She qualifies as a gross ignoramus; 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 23. She would argue with a signpost. 24. She brings a lot of joy, whenever she leaves the room. 25. When her IQ reaches 50, she should sell. 26. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, she's the other one. 27. She is a prime candidate for natural de-selection. 28. She is slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 29. If she were any more stupid, she'd have to be watered twice a week. 30. If you gave him a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.

SpArKo

Jul 10, 2011 20:10

31. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. 32. It takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. 33. If ignorance is bliss, she's one of the happiest people alive. 34. She stopped to think and forgot to start again. 35. Her sole purpose may be to serve as a warning to others. 36. She thinks a hard-on counts as personal growth. 37. She has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 38. She is as smart as bait. 39. In an emergency she can't dial 911, because there's no 11 on her phone. 40. She doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

SpArKo

Jul 10, 2011 20:10

41. She forgot to pay her brain bill. 42. Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. 43. Her belt doesn't go through all the loops. 44. If she had another brain, it would be lonely. 45. She is missing a few buttons on her remote control. 46. Her receiver is off the hook. 47. She would go surfing in Nebraska. 48. She is an experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 49. She is dumber than a box of lint. 50. She took as IQ test and results came back negative. 51. She is all foam and no beer. 52. She fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. smiley