* LMFA0 *

35 replies

jaQui

2011/01/24 19:05

a blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash. As usual the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again. Out of the corner of his eye the manager sees the blindman start swinging the dog over his head with its leash. Shocked, the manager runs over and says "Mister is there a problem - is there anything I can help you with?" The blind man calmly replies "No thanks - I'm just looking around." smiley

- - - A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself." He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too." smiley

yuck!

jaQui

2011/01/24 19:13

A guy is driving down a deserted highway. He pulls up to an intersection, and rolls through the stop sign. From out of nowhere, a cop pulls him over. COP: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" GUY: "Hey, I slowed down didn't I???" COP: "You must come to a full stop at the sign." GUY: "Stop. Slow down. What's the difference?" The cop pulls out his baton and starts to beat the guy with-out mercy. COP: "Well, do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?" - - - This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?" smiley

jaQui

2011/01/24 19:20

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed- up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!" -bunny3-