1> In a movie theater, when you meet acquaintances/friends, Question: hey, what are you doing here? Answer: don't you know, i am selling tickets in black over here, sometimes i even sell popcorns. 2> in the bus, a heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet, Question: Sorry! Did that hurt? Answer: No, not at all! How can it hurt me. I am on local anesthesia. Why dont you try again? 3> At a funeral, one of the teary eyed people ask. Question: Why, why did God take away only him of all the people? Answer: Why, would rather have been you? 4> At the restaurant, when you ask the waiter. Question: Is the "butter paneer Masala" dish good? Answer: No! Its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it. 5> At a family get-together, when some distance aunt meets you after years. Question: Dear, you've become so big. Answer: well, you haven't particularly shrunk yourself. 6> when a friend amounced her wedding and someone ask. Question: Is the guy you're marrying good? Answer: No, he is a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout. Its my aunt(her mother) who fascinates me. 7> When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call. Question: Sorry, were you sleeping? Answer: No, actually i was doing research whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not, you thought i was sleeping? 8> When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair. Question: Hey, have you had a haircut? Answer: No, its autumn and i am shedding. 9> At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth. Question: Tell me if it hurts. Answer: No it wont, its just bleed. But i will surely tell you after you remove all my teeth. 10> Your are smoking a cigaratte and a cute women ask. Question: Oh, so you smoke? Answer: Gosh! Its a miracle. It was a piece of chalk now its in flames!!! 11. When People see you Lying Down, With Ur Eyes Closed, they Ask: "Are You Sleeping?" (No! I'm Trying to Die?) 12. When It's Raining & Someone Notices You going Out, they Ask: "Are You Going Out In this Rain?" (No, In The Next one.) 13. Your Friend Calls on your Landline: "Where are you?" (At the Bus Stop!) 14. They See you Wet Coming from the Bathroom: "Did You Just Have A Bath?" (No, I Fell In the Toilet Bowl !) 15. You are Standing Right In Front Of the Elevator On The Ground Floor & they Ask: "Going Up?" (No, No, I'm Waiting for My Apartment to Come Down & Get Me.) 16. You Bring A Bunch Of Flowers for your Sweetheart, they Ask: "Are those Flowers?" (No Baby! They are Carrots.) L-o-L