Funny Short Tales3
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:23
Son-inlaw to be
Father-In-Law : Young man, Ure coming to seek my daughters hand in marriage and ure chewing gum.Thats a sign of disrespect! . Man : Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke. . Father-In-Law : You mean u drink & smoke and ure here to seek my daughters hand in marriage? . Man : Sir I only drink & smoke when I go to the club. Father-In-Law : U club too? . Man : Im sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of prison. Father-In-Law : Uve also been in prison before? Oh my God! . Man : Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody!!. . Father-In-Law : What!!! Ure a killer??? . Man : Sir, It happened out of anger. It was a certain man that didnt allow me to marry his daughter so I killed him. . Father-In-Law : U are highly welcome my son. U are on the right track. Ure absolutely the right Man for my daughter. Do you need money to buy the engagement ring and the other things?
Read part 1here
Read part 2here -coin- Thank U
Father-In-Law : Young man, Ure coming to seek my daughters hand in marriage and ure chewing gum.Thats a sign of disrespect! . Man : Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke. . Father-In-Law : You mean u drink & smoke and ure here to seek my daughters hand in marriage? . Man : Sir I only drink & smoke when I go to the club. Father-In-Law : U club too? . Man : Im sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of prison. Father-In-Law : Uve also been in prison before? Oh my God! . Man : Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody!!. . Father-In-Law : What!!! Ure a killer??? . Man : Sir, It happened out of anger. It was a certain man that didnt allow me to marry his daughter so I killed him. . Father-In-Law : U are highly welcome my son. U are on the right track. Ure absolutely the right Man for my daughter. Do you need money to buy the engagement ring and the other things?
Read part 1here
Read part 2here -coin- Thank U
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:27
Stress, tension & panic
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant. Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when both are pregnant.
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant. Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when both are pregnant.
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:31
Ali baba & the forty thieves
Three guys were gisting at a beer parlour. The first guy said when my wife was pregnant she was reading a book; a tale of two cities and she gave birth to twins. The second said his wife was reading the three musketeers and she gave birth to triplets. The third guy dropped his beer bottle and started running home. When they got to his house they saw him burning a book and they asked why. He said his wife was reading Ali Baba and the forty thieves and she is pregnantnot in this house it can not happen!
Three guys were gisting at a beer parlour. The first guy said when my wife was pregnant she was reading a book; a tale of two cities and she gave birth to twins. The second said his wife was reading the three musketeers and she gave birth to triplets. The third guy dropped his beer bottle and started running home. When they got to his house they saw him burning a book and they asked why. He said his wife was reading Ali Baba and the forty thieves and she is pregnantnot in this house it can not happen!
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:32
Aspire to acquire the desires you admire. Even if you misfire never retire rather refire because you have a Messiah who lifts you higher.Click
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:35
Anger management
Dad asked his son: whenever I beat you how do you stop your anger? Son replies: I start cleaning the toilet Dad asked: How does that help you? Son: I clean it with your tooth brush.
Dad asked his son: whenever I beat you how do you stop your anger? Son replies: I start cleaning the toilet Dad asked: How does that help you? Son: I clean it with your tooth brush.
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:38
Adam & Eve
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the SNAKE.
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the SNAKE.
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:41
facebook and twitter
Joba: Akpos, why are you always on Facebook? Akpos: I like Facebook & Im always there for one thing. Its the only place where you can like another mans wife without getting slapped. Joba: So, what about Twitter,why are you always there too? Akpos: Twitter is the only place you can follow another mans wife for free!
Joba: Akpos, why are you always on Facebook? Akpos: I like Facebook & Im always there for one thing. Its the only place where you can like another mans wife without getting slapped. Joba: So, what about Twitter,why are you always there too? Akpos: Twitter is the only place you can follow another mans wife for free!
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:44
Akpos was arrested by the police and taken to court. Magistrate: Akpos, you were arrested on the expressway for abruptly stopping your car in the middle of the road and causing 10 other vehicles behind you to run into one another thereby causing damages and injuries. Are you guilty or not? Akpos: Im not guilty sir. Magistrate: What is your defence? Akpos: I heard the National Anthem on the car radio and as a good citizen, I stopped immediately and stood at attention
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:49
pop quiz
Teacher: What is a Verb? Peter: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre. Teacher: What are you saying? Peter: It is a complete sentence sir. Teacher: Are you mad? Peter: It is a question sir. Teacher: Don't be stupid. Peter: It is an advice sir. Teacher: Stop that nonsense. Peter: It is a command sir. Teacher: You're an idiot. Peter: It is an insult sir. Teacher: Get out of my class. Peter: It is an order sir. Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy! Peter: It is an exclamation sir. Teacher: May God have mercy on you. Peter: It is a prayer sir.
Teacher: What is a Verb? Peter: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre. Teacher: What are you saying? Peter: It is a complete sentence sir. Teacher: Are you mad? Peter: It is a question sir. Teacher: Don't be stupid. Peter: It is an advice sir. Teacher: Stop that nonsense. Peter: It is a command sir. Teacher: You're an idiot. Peter: It is an insult sir. Teacher: Get out of my class. Peter: It is an order sir. Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy! Peter: It is an exclamation sir. Teacher: May God have mercy on you. Peter: It is a prayer sir.
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:54
"I don't want any publicity you get too many begging letters. If they're anything like the ones I send out I don't want to know!"
Crownstar
2015/07/03 14:56
Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:15
#If school isn't a place to sleep then home isn't a place to study.
#I wish school was as easy as half the girls in it. That awkward moment when an emo kid goes to McDonald's and orders a Happy Meal. #Hey Google, why don`t you sit next to me during my exam? #If sleep is really good for the brain, then why is it not permitted in school?
#If you make a camp to help kids with ADHD, then is it a concentration camp?
#If a picture is worth a thousands words, then why shouldn't we judge a book by its cover?
#To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
#My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, and they're like, "It wasn't that hard." That awkward moment when you go to a new school and don't get a vampire boyfriend. 2 things you can learn in school: Texting without looking and teamwork on tests.
#I wish school was as easy as half the girls in it. That awkward moment when an emo kid goes to McDonald's and orders a Happy Meal. #Hey Google, why don`t you sit next to me during my exam? #If sleep is really good for the brain, then why is it not permitted in school?
#If you make a camp to help kids with ADHD, then is it a concentration camp?
#If a picture is worth a thousands words, then why shouldn't we judge a book by its cover?
#To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
#My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, and they're like, "It wasn't that hard." That awkward moment when you go to a new school and don't get a vampire boyfriend. 2 things you can learn in school: Texting without looking and teamwork on tests.
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:18
~C.L.A.S.S. = Come Late And Start Sleeping
~M.A.T.H. = Mental Abuse to Humans ~S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life
~S.C.H.O.O.L. = Sucks Children's Happiness Out Of Life ~Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
OMg!
~M.A.T.H. = Mental Abuse to Humans ~S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life
~S.C.H.O.O.L. = Sucks Children's Happiness Out Of Life ~Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
OMg!
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:21
~Teacher: If a chicken give you meat, a pig give you bacon, what does a fat cow give you? Student: HOMEWORK! ~Teacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?"
Student: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" ~Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?" Simon: "No Mis." ~Mom: What did you learn in school? Son: Not enough I have to go back again tomorrow.
~Teacher: How can we keep the school clean? Student: By staying at home. ~Teacher: What is irony? Student: "Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe."
Student: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" ~Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?" Simon: "No Mis." ~Mom: What did you learn in school? Son: Not enough I have to go back again tomorrow.
~Teacher: How can we keep the school clean? Student: By staying at home. ~Teacher: What is irony? Student: "Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe."
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:23
1)SCHOOL: 2 + 2 = 4.
2)HOMEWORK: 2 + 4 + 2 = 8.
3)EXAM: Matthew has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the sun's mass.
2)HOMEWORK: 2 + 4 + 2 = 8.
3)EXAM: Matthew has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the sun's mass.
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:25
Catholic School
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!"
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!"
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:28
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:31
There are three people applying for the same job. One is a mathematician, one a statistician, and one an accountant. The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say "we have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000." The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician. When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers "1000... I'm 95% confident." He is then also thanked for his time and sent on his way. When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: "what is 500 plus 500?" The accountant replies, "what would you like it to be?"
They hire the accountant.
They hire the accountant.
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:31
George W. Bush visits Algeria. As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: "You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra..."
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:34
bathroom
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: Where's the p? Boy: "Half way down my leg."
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: Where's the p? Boy: "Half way down my leg."
Crownstar
2015/07/03 15:35
little boy
Son: "My math teacher is crazy". Mother: "Why?" Son: "Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2."
Son: "My math teacher is crazy". Mother: "Why?" Son: "Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2."
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