akpors jokes exist here as many as i could get by Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:35
After two weeks in Dubai, Akpors came back to Naija with the American slang/accent. He flew in late and while on his way home was stopped by a men of the Nigeria Police Force."Hey, where u dey go?"Wat de fuck do u mean, You talking to me replied Akpors This incited anger in these men who understands nothing but the Naija street language (Pidgin). He was taking to the police station and put in a cell. There in the cell, Akpors kept on ranting and shouting,"Yo bunch of shxts, I gat the damn right to make a phone call in this cell. Get me a fucking fone! "This went on until a BOSS (Oga) in the cell told one of his boys in his husky and thunderous voice,"Scorpion, abeg give this guy a phone call"Scorpion headed straight to Akpors corner and landed him a THUNDEROUS SLA 'GBOOOOAAAAAAA', The sound was nothing far from the sound of a Thunder strike.E done dey ring, abi make I redial?"Akpors accent changed,"Bros abeg, e don connect" -lol-
After two weeks in Dubai, Akpors came back to Naija with the American slang/accent. He flew in late and while on his way home was stopped by a men of the Nigeria Police Force."Hey, where u dey go?"Wat de fuck do u mean, You talking to me replied Akpors This incited anger in these men who understands nothing but the Naija street language (Pidgin). He was taking to the police station and put in a cell. There in the cell, Akpors kept on ranting and shouting,"Yo bunch of shxts, I gat the damn right to make a phone call in this cell. Get me a fucking fone! "This went on until a BOSS (Oga) in the cell told one of his boys in his husky and thunderous voice,"Scorpion, abeg give this guy a phone call"Scorpion headed straight to Akpors corner and landed him a THUNDEROUS SLA 'GBOOOOAAAAAAA', The sound was nothing far from the sound of a Thunder strike.E done dey ring, abi make I redial?"Akpors accent changed,"Bros abeg, e don connect" -lol-
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:36
A young boy met a very rich business man and asked him"sir, what is the secret of your success?" and he replied, "boy, you have to use your number 6 in 6 ways". The boy was so surprised and asked him "sir, how in 6ways?" he further replied "I only do business 6 times in a year,
1. I sell bags of rice during d xmas season,
2. I sell children clothes duringchildren's day celebration,
3. I sell poultry during the easter celebration period,
4. I sell condoms on valetine day,
5. I sell indian hemp on Bob marley's rememberance day. So, you see why i am successful?" the boy asked "sir, you did not tell me the 6th" he then smiled and said "
6. I go on VACATION" the boy asked"VACATION? To where?" The man replied " yes I normally on vacation go to jail".
A young boy met a very rich business man and asked him"sir, what is the secret of your success?" and he replied, "boy, you have to use your number 6 in 6 ways". The boy was so surprised and asked him "sir, how in 6ways?" he further replied "I only do business 6 times in a year,
1. I sell bags of rice during d xmas season,
2. I sell children clothes duringchildren's day celebration,
3. I sell poultry during the easter celebration period,
4. I sell condoms on valetine day,
5. I sell indian hemp on Bob marley's rememberance day. So, you see why i am successful?" the boy asked "sir, you did not tell me the 6th" he then smiled and said "
6. I go on VACATION" the boy asked"VACATION? To where?" The man replied " yes I normally on vacation go to jail".
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:42
Queen Elizabeth ,george Bush& Obasanjo died & all went to Hell. Queen said,I miss UK, I want 2 call UK.She made 5mins call,she asked d devil how much? Devil said 800. Bush said I wanna call d US.He made 3mins call, asked how much? Devil said its,'*2500'. Obasanjo became annoyed. Me too,i want to call nigeria ooh!. I want to talk to Goodluck. Obasanjo talk 4 about 15 hrs & asked the devil how much? Devil say 5naira,Obasanjo was surprised & asked why? Devil say 'Hell to Hell is local call.
Queen Elizabeth ,george Bush& Obasanjo died & all went to Hell. Queen said,I miss UK, I want 2 call UK.She made 5mins call,she asked d devil how much? Devil said 800. Bush said I wanna call d US.He made 3mins call, asked how much? Devil said its,'*2500'. Obasanjo became annoyed. Me too,i want to call nigeria ooh!. I want to talk to Goodluck. Obasanjo talk 4 about 15 hrs & asked the devil how much? Devil say 5naira,Obasanjo was surprised & asked why? Devil say 'Hell to Hell is local call.
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:42
If some1 throw a stone at u, throw a flower at them but remember to throw the flower pot with it.
If some1 throw a stone at u, throw a flower at them but remember to throw the flower pot with it.
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:43
A Black Guy and a White Girl met at a nightclub. She took him to her apartment and said;"Tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!!!"So he tied her to the bed and ran off with the Jewels, Cash, Mobile and Laptop
A Black Guy and a White Girl met at a nightclub. She took him to her apartment and said;"Tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!!!"So he tied her to the bed and ran off with the Jewels, Cash, Mobile and Laptop
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:46
A professor Explains Advance Marketing theory to his MBA students
1) When you see a rich girl in a party and you walk to her and say i'm rich guy, marry me, that's Direct marketing
2) You attend. Party and your friend goes to a girl and point @ you saying he is very rich marry him..that's Advertisement
3) @ a party and a girl walk to you and said you are rich and handsome will you marry me? That's is Brand recognition...
4) You see a girl @ a party and you walk up to her and say am rich and have a big.... And she slaps you, that's customer feed back.
5) But when you go the party and find a girl on her own, trying to do notice me and none seem to 3 things will deffinately run through your mind (a) Bad market (
expired goods (c)..........
A professor Explains Advance Marketing theory to his MBA students
1) When you see a rich girl in a party and you walk to her and say i'm rich guy, marry me, that's Direct marketing
2) You attend. Party and your friend goes to a girl and point @ you saying he is very rich marry him..that's Advertisement
3) @ a party and a girl walk to you and said you are rich and handsome will you marry me? That's is Brand recognition...
4) You see a girl @ a party and you walk up to her and say am rich and have a big.... And she slaps you, that's customer feed back.
5) But when you go the party and find a girl on her own, trying to do notice me and none seem to 3 things will deffinately run through your mind (a) Bad market (
expired goods (c)..........
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:47
A man and his wife had four kidz, a Declaration was made that any couple with five children will recieve a reward of 20million from the government. The man told his wife not worry as he was going to bring his daughter from his Girlfriend to complete the other four kidz. He came back with his girls child n discovered that it was one, one child that was left in his house, when he asked the wife what happened to the other three, she said"their father came and pick them as well, the man fainted...... ....... .......
A man and his wife had four kidz, a Declaration was made that any couple with five children will recieve a reward of 20million from the government. The man told his wife not worry as he was going to bring his daughter from his Girlfriend to complete the other four kidz. He came back with his girls child n discovered that it was one, one child that was left in his house, when he asked the wife what happened to the other three, she said"their father came and pick them as well, the man fainted...... ....... .......
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:49
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.. ."You all have obsessions ,"he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said,"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."He turned to the second Mom, Ann:"Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."He turns to the third Mom, Joyce:"Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers."Come on, Dick, we' re leaving!"
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.. ."You all have obsessions ,"he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said,"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."He turned to the second Mom, Ann:"Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."He turns to the third Mom, Joyce:"Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers."Come on, Dick, we' re leaving!"
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:51
A Nigerian youngster who was visiting the United Kingdom for the first time was taken to the London zoo for sightseeing. On getting to the section where monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see other tourists giving out plenty of money to the monkeys that were hopping around doing acrobatics. The more the acrobatics, the more the tourists enjoyed the show and the more the money (hard currency) the monkeys got.
This young man suddenly had an idea and when he got back to Nigeria, he started learning all kinds of acrobatics. He visited his medicine man and asked for a portion that will transform him into a monkey.
During his next visit to London, he went into the zoo and took the portion and was transformed into a monkey. He joined the other monkeys and started his own type of modern, systematic and attractive acrobatics. He soon caught the attention of all the tourists who wasted no time in showering him with plenty of pounds sterling. He was now making more money than the real monkeys.
The king of the monkeys didn't like this and challenged the new monkey to an acrobatic duel. The contest was tough and very keen but the new monkey won. The king monkey had to go on exile in shame but before he left he set a trap for the intruding monkey who now became the new king.
The next day, monkey business started as usual, with money coming in from the tourists. There was this particular tourist who really enjoyed the show that he threw a lot of money into the cage. The new king pocketed his money but to his amazement all the other monkeys threw their earnings into the adjacent cage. The new king could not comprehend this and would not allow all that money to go away like that; so he jumped into the adjacent cage to pick up the money. It was only when he got there that he realized it was a lion's cage.
The lion looked at him, looked at the money and roared and started toward the monkey who was now sweating, shaking and foaming in the mouth.
Half way, the lion suddenly stopped, looked at the monkey again and said:
"Oh boy, if no bi say we all na Naija, I for show you."
A Nigerian youngster who was visiting the United Kingdom for the first time was taken to the London zoo for sightseeing. On getting to the section where monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see other tourists giving out plenty of money to the monkeys that were hopping around doing acrobatics. The more the acrobatics, the more the tourists enjoyed the show and the more the money (hard currency) the monkeys got.
This young man suddenly had an idea and when he got back to Nigeria, he started learning all kinds of acrobatics. He visited his medicine man and asked for a portion that will transform him into a monkey.
During his next visit to London, he went into the zoo and took the portion and was transformed into a monkey. He joined the other monkeys and started his own type of modern, systematic and attractive acrobatics. He soon caught the attention of all the tourists who wasted no time in showering him with plenty of pounds sterling. He was now making more money than the real monkeys.
The king of the monkeys didn't like this and challenged the new monkey to an acrobatic duel. The contest was tough and very keen but the new monkey won. The king monkey had to go on exile in shame but before he left he set a trap for the intruding monkey who now became the new king.
The next day, monkey business started as usual, with money coming in from the tourists. There was this particular tourist who really enjoyed the show that he threw a lot of money into the cage. The new king pocketed his money but to his amazement all the other monkeys threw their earnings into the adjacent cage. The new king could not comprehend this and would not allow all that money to go away like that; so he jumped into the adjacent cage to pick up the money. It was only when he got there that he realized it was a lion's cage.
The lion looked at him, looked at the money and roared and started toward the monkey who was now sweating, shaking and foaming in the mouth.
Half way, the lion suddenly stopped, looked at the monkey again and said:
"Oh boy, if no bi say we all na Naija, I for show you."
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:54
A man went into the pub with his wife. When he left her for the counter a pro.stitute approached his wife and whispered, "You must demand cash before the sex. I know this guy, he doesn't pay."
A man went into the pub with his wife. When he left her for the counter a pro.stitute approached his wife and whispered, "You must demand cash before the sex. I know this guy, he doesn't pay."
Crownstar 2013/12/06 13:56
On a ship, an American, a Briton and a Nigerian were sailing. Devil appeared and said "drop something in the sea, if I find it I'll eat you but if I cant, then I'll be your slave. The American dropped a diamond, the devil found it and ate him. The Briton dropped a small platinum piece, devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, emptied it in the sea and said "today is today,find it let me see
On a ship, an American, a Briton and a Nigerian were sailing. Devil appeared and said "drop something in the sea, if I find it I'll eat you but if I cant, then I'll be your slave. The American dropped a diamond, the devil found it and ate him. The Briton dropped a small platinum piece, devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, emptied it in the sea and said "today is today,find it let me see
Crownstar 2013/12/07 11:51
What did one cannibal say
to the other cannibal when
they were eating a clown?
"Does this taste funny to
you?"
What did one cannibal say
to the other cannibal when
they were eating a clown?
"Does this taste funny to
you?"
Crownstar 2013/12/07 12:07
There are 4 friends livin
together in a house. There
names are Mad. silly, Nobody,
impossible, and Somebody.
One day impossible left home.
Wit his gf. And Nobody was
fightin wit Somebody and he
mistakenly stabbed him. So
mad tried to call the police so
the followin conversation
ensued.
Mad: pls is that the police
police: yes.
Mad: pls i want to report that
somebody killed nobody.
Police: thats impossible.
Mad: no impossible has just
left the house.
Police: then you must be mad.
Mad: yes i'm mad.
Police: man you are whinin
us.? Are you silly.
Mad: no silly is the person
readin this thread that wont
leave a COMMENT
There are 4 friends livin
together in a house. There
names are Mad. silly, Nobody,
impossible, and Somebody.
One day impossible left home.
Wit his gf. And Nobody was
fightin wit Somebody and he
mistakenly stabbed him. So
mad tried to call the police so
the followin conversation
ensued.
Mad: pls is that the police
police: yes.
Mad: pls i want to report that
somebody killed nobody.
Police: thats impossible.
Mad: no impossible has just
left the house.
Police: then you must be mad.
Mad: yes i'm mad.
Police: man you are whinin
us.? Are you silly.
Mad: no silly is the person
readin this thread that wont
leave a COMMENT
Crownstar 2013/12/07 12:14
Akpors and his wife never
fought for 25yrs of their
mariage!!! . A friend asked
him how he had managed to
make it possible.
He narrated, "We went for our
Honeymoon in Australia
25years ago, and while riding
on a horse, my wife's horse
jumped & my wife fell down.
She then got up, patted the
Horse's back and said 'this is
your first time'.
After a while,it happened
again. She patted the horse
again and said 'this is your
second time". The horse did it
again the 3rd time, she
brought out a gun and shot
the horse dead.
I was so shocked and shouted
at her, 'Are you crazy!!?
What's wrong with you!!? Why
did you kill the horse...... She
gave me a grave look and said
'THIS YOUR FIRST TIME".
Ever since then we have been
living very happily
Akpors and his wife never
fought for 25yrs of their
mariage!!! . A friend asked
him how he had managed to
make it possible.
He narrated, "We went for our
Honeymoon in Australia
25years ago, and while riding
on a horse, my wife's horse
jumped & my wife fell down.
She then got up, patted the
Horse's back and said 'this is
your first time'.
After a while,it happened
again. She patted the horse
again and said 'this is your
second time". The horse did it
again the 3rd time, she
brought out a gun and shot
the horse dead.
I was so shocked and shouted
at her, 'Are you crazy!!?
What's wrong with you!!? Why
did you kill the horse...... She
gave me a grave look and said
'THIS YOUR FIRST TIME".
Ever since then we have been
living very happily
Replies: 21
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