ava Smarty: What's your sign?
ava king diamond: Coulomb
ava Smarty: Well done, 5 pluses to ABHIRAJ for the correct answer.
ava
(01:00) Thu, 1 Jan 70
ava
ok these aren't porn there in Redlightzone as they Adult only! Not suitable for under 18's as some are quite shocking ,cruel,violent etc its real life that occurs around the globe peoples, animals, vehicles, nature etc

. , please only view these if your not easily upset by such occurring realities
.
Ill mark them very bad if indeed are.
.
Please feel free to add any you have found but obviously use some sensible discretions as nodoubt some people wont want to see.
(02:53) Wed, 2 Sep 15
ava
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk. Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife. "Good God Dear" he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life! She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."
(23:35) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
There was once an englishman and a scotsman who lived next door to each other. The englishman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hens eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the scotsman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the scotsman pick up the egg. The englishman ran up to the scotsman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.The scotsman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the englishman said "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following message: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg." The scotsman agreed to this and so the english man found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the scotsman and kicked as hard as he could in the balls.The scotsman fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the scotsman stood up and said "Now it's my turn to kick you." The englishman said "Keep the !@#%#*@# *!@% egg."
(23:31) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
(23:28) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour, "What's the camel for?". The Sargent replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel." The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women.
(23:18) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight- looking ass!!!!!!!"
(23:05) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift." The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift." The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift. As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in. "To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
(22:51) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. " Hi, is Tony home?" " No, he went to the store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" " No, come in." They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over. " Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
(22:44) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
We're you'll at?...I need some ideas from you guys on a project I'm currently busy with smiley

Sorry if I posted in the wrong forum as I cannot find a suitable forum to post this...many thanks...
(20:25) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
Akiba Rubienstien was a great master of Rook+pawn/s ending.
there was a saying about him,dat if he were born in the 16th century, he wud be hanged for crime of magic.
Such magical figure he was in ROOK+Pawn/s endings.
(19:47) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
Anish Giri a GM plays for Holland is a son of Chinese mother and Nepalese father.
He is among top ten gradmasters in the world.
(19:18) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
Birds chirping
soaring the sky
flowers coming into bloom
fragrancing the air
with its delight
all warm around
fresh and new
a happy spring i wish all
from me to you
(15:08) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
stay connected while I drop a lovely single.this week.....site for download will be announced there after. love you all!
(15:08) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
A nigerian teacher was sent to china to teach. 


The first day he entered class, he began by roll-callin. 


He said "sheng.'' A student said ''present.''


He called the second name, chu muon. Another student said ''present.''


Suddenly, he sneezed,''hatchia'' one student seated at the corner stood up and said,''present.'' 


He then exclaimed and said,''hmmmm...''all the students shouted ''absent.'' 


He got confused and said,''chai...'' three students stood up and said, ''which of us?''


The teacher became more confused and he asked, ''what is wrong?'' A student stood up and said, ''sir, i'm not wrong, i'm called wong.''


The teacher now laughed and said,''hahaha ''..A girl said.'' Present sir.'' 


The teacher fainted..
(12:43) Tue, 1 Sep 15
ava
Stupid Answers for Stupid
Questions:
1. Someone calls you at 2 am in
the night and ask you "are you sleeping?"
Ans: no, Im picking beans.
2. You're making out with a girl then you start
pulling her pants then she asks;
what are you trying to do?
Ans: I want to wash them for you
3. They see you coming out of the bathroom,
wet; ''did you just have a bath?''
Ans: no, I fell into the toilet bowl
4. You standing right in front of
the elevator on the ground floor going to your
office, yet they ask; ''going up?''
Ans: no, Im waiting for my office to come down
and get me!
5. Your boyfriend comes home with a bunch of
flowers and you still asks him;
''are those flowers?''
Ans: no baby, they're carrots!
6. You're in the queue at the
cinema to buy tickets, a friend see's you and
ask; ''what are you doing here?'' Ans: Im here to
pay my school
fees!
7. When people see you lying
down with your eyes closed, they still ask; ''are
you sleeping?''
Ans: No! I'm practicing to die. 8. You went to a
restaurant n the
waiter asks you: ''Plz can I get
you a table?''
Ans: No. Im here to eat on the
floor.
9. Are you reading this post? Ans:.....?
(00:25) Tue, 1 Sep 15