Son:"Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!" Father: "That's great son. Who is she?" Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter" father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister." The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ... Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even hotter!" Father: "That's great son. Who is she?" Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that.Angela is also your sister." This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying. Son: "Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!" The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Dont listen to him He isn't your father."

After A Blunder Success Of His Jet Pilot Santa Landed,After He Landed.He Told To The People That I Have Destroyed 5 Tanks Of Pakistan.The People Replied But Sir,You Have Landed To Pakistan By Mistake!!

The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?" Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal." The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer. Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher. "Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye." "Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher. He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed!"

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. dad: son, where were u today during school hours? son:at school * Robot slaps Son* son: ok i went to the movies DAD:Which one? SON:ToyStory *he slaps son again* son: ok, it was day with a pornstar dad: what? When i was ur age i didn't even know what porn was! *robot slaps dad* mom: HAHA! After all he's ur son *robot slaps mom*

A school inspector asked the class, "If length of the platform is 200 metres and speed of the train is 100 kilometres what should be my age?" Noting the absurdity of the question, a clever student answered, "Fifty years, sir." The answer was absolutely correct. The inspector was astounded. He asked the boy his method of calculation. "Simple, sir,"the boy replied, "I have an elder brother aged 25 years and he is half mad!"

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I hit an old man yesterday Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver owned the car. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: OMG !! I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Akpors was enjoying the sun at a beach in lekki. A girl approched him and asked ARE U RELAXING?, akpors replied NO I AM AKPORS. Another lady walked up to him and asked himagain ARE U RELAXING? Frustrating this time akpor said I AM AKPOR,I'M NOT RELAXING..... Finally he decided to leave the beach and find beta place to rest. On his way he saw a man sunbathing himself and ask hm ARE U RELAXING? The man said YES!..... Akpor gave him a dirty slap and said WAS IT NOT YOU EVERYONE HASBEEN LOOKING FOR SINCE?!

There is a pirate on a ship with his crew and one of the pirates say "one enemy ship on the horizon" and the captain says "bring me my red shirt" so the guy brings him a red shirt and the battle lasts for a day One of the guys say "captain, why did you want us to bring you your red shirt right b4 the battle started?" The captain says "so if i got shot you would not notice the blood and you would keep fighting" The next day one of the guys say "20 enemy ships on the horizon" and the captin says "bring me my brown pants"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phoneand calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

A guy asked a girl in a library; Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DONT WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!. All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guys table and she told him I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?" The guy responded with a loud voice: "R2000 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THATS TOO MUCH!!!" ...and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears; I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach ran across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

AKPORS AND Joba IN THE OFFICE Joba: Akpors, I have been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have exams next week. Akpors: oh! Joba: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell? Akpors: No Joba: He invented the telephone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this. The next day, the same discussion took place. Joba: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is? Akpors: No Joba: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this. The next day, once again. Joba: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is? Akpors: No Joba: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this. This time, Akpors got irritated and said: Do you know who Adewale Azeeze Saremekun is? Joba: No Akpors: He is your neighbour, screwing your wife since five months ago. If you stop taking night courses, you would know.

Omg omg and why are you using my name mr.ashok..even i don,t knw who you are?

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there. The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." "Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

still its open ??

I am in

still its open ??

Oh, yes m a winner.