Son:"Daddy, I fell in
love & want to
date this awesome
girl!"
Father: "That's
great son. Who is
she?"
Son: "It's Sandra,
the neighbor's
daughter" father:
"Ohhh I wish you
hadn't said that. I
have to tell u
something son, but
you must
promise not to tell
your mother.
Sandra is actually
your sister."
The boy is
naturally bummed
out,
but a couple of
months later ...
Son: "Daddy, I fell
in love again n
she is even
hotter!" Father:
"That's
great son. Who is
she?" Son: "It's
Angela, the other
neighbor's
daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh I
wish you hadn't
said that.Angela is
also your sister."
This went on
couple of times
and
the son was so
mad, he went
straight to his
mother crying. Son:
"Mum I am so mad
at dad! I fell in
love with six girls
but I can't date
any of them
because dad is
their
father!"
The mother hugs
him
affectionately and
says: "My love,
you can date
whoever you want.
Dont listen to him
He isn't your
father."

After A Blunder Success Of His Jet Pilot Santa Landed,After He Landed.He Told To The People That I Have Destroyed 5 Tanks Of Pakistan.The People Replied But Sir,You Have Landed To Pakistan By Mistake!!-hola-

The male teacher in a girls'
school asked the science
class: "Who can tell me what
organ of the human body
expands to 10 times its
usual size when stimulated?
Mary, can you tell me?"
Mary blushed furiously as
she stood up. Then replied,
"Sir, how dare you ask such
a question? I will complain to
my parents, who will complain
to the principal."
The male teacher was taken
aback at first by Mary's
reaction. Then, as
understanding dawned on
him, he called for another
pupil, this time a volunteer.
Lilly put up her hand. "Yes,
Lilly?" asked the teacher.
"Sir, the correct answer is
the iris of the eye."
"Very good. Thanks, Lilly,"
said the male teacher.
He then turned to the 1st
girl, who threatened to
complain to her parents and
principal: "Well, Mary, I have
3 things to tell you:
First, you have NOT done
your HOMEWORK.
Second, you have a DIRTY
mind.
And thirdly, I fear, one day in
future, you are going to be
sadly disappointed!" .lol.

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.

He decides to test it at dinner.

dad: son, where were u today during school hours?

son:at school * Robot slaps Son*

son: ok i went to the movies

DAD:Which one?

SON:ToyStory *he slaps son again*

son: ok, it was day with a pornstar

dad: what? When i was ur age i didn't even know what porn was! *robot slaps dad*

mom: HAHA! After all he's ur son *robot slaps mom*

A school inspector asked the class, "If length of the platform is 200 metres and speed of the train is 100 kilometres what should be my age?"

Noting the absurdity of the question, a clever student answered, "Fifty years, sir."

The answer was absolutely correct.

The inspector was astounded. He asked the boy his method of calculation. "Simple, sir,"the boy replied, "I have an elder brother aged 25 years and he is half mad!"

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I hit an old man yesterday

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right.
But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately
called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police,
and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk?

I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: OMG !! I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Akpors was enjoying the sun at a
beach in lekki.
A girl approched him and asked ARE U RELAXING?,
akpors replied NO I AM AKPORS.
Another lady walked up to him and asked himagain ARE U RELAXING?
Frustrating this time akpor
said I AM AKPOR,I'M NOT
RELAXING.....
Finally he decided
to leave the beach and find beta
place to rest.
On his way he saw a man sunbathing himself
and ask hm ARE U RELAXING?
The man said YES!..... Akpor
gave him a dirty slap and said
WAS IT NOT YOU EVERYONE HASBEEN LOOKING FOR
SINCE?!

There is a pirate on a ship with his crew and one of the pirates say "one enemy ship on the horizon" and the captain says "bring me my red shirt" so the guy brings him a red shirt and the battle lasts for a day

One of the guys say "captain, why did you want us to bring you your red shirt right b4 the battle started?"

The captain says "so if i got shot you would not notice the blood and you would keep fighting"

The next day one of the guys say "20 enemy ships on the horizon" and the captin says "bring me my brown pants"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy takes out his phoneand calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

A guy asked a girl in a library; Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DONT WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH YOUUU!!!.
All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the
girl walked quietly to the guys table and she told him I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"
The guy responded with a
loud voice: "R2000 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THATS TOO MUCH!!!"
...and all the people in the
library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears; I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach ran across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

AKPORS AND Joba IN THE
OFFICE
Joba: Akpors, I have
been attending night
classes for 5 months
now and I have exams next week.
Akpors: oh!
Joba: For example, do
you know who is
Graham Bell?
Akpors: No Joba: He invented the
telephone in 1876; if you
take night courses you
would know this.
The next day, the same
discussion took place. Joba: Do you know who
Alexander Dumas is?
Akpors: No
Joba: He's the author of
"The 3 Musketeers", if
you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once
again.
Joba: And do you know
who Jean Jacques
Rousseau is? Akpors: No
Joba: He's the author of
"Confessions", if you
take night courses, you
would know this.
This time, Akpors got irritated and said: Do
you know who Adewale
Azeeze Saremekun is?
Joba: No
Akpors: He is your
neighbour, screwing your wife since five
months ago. If you stop
taking night courses,
you would know.

Omg omg and why are you using my name mr.ashok..even i don,t knw who you are?

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.
The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."
"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"
The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

still its open ??

I am in

still its open ??

Oh, yes m a winner.